Naomi Rosenberg's Op-Ed in the Sunday New York Times is the best piece of writing I have had the painful pleasure to read in a long time. The title is How to Tell a Mother her Child Is Dead. Warning: this is not an easy piece to read.
Read it. Read the whole thing. Read it again. There is no excerpt I can offer.
Why is it so good? She does not clear her throat. She does not introduce the subject -- the title did that. She dives right in: "First you get your coat." She uses short, declarative, active sentences. The absence of contractions is powerful.
She does not beat us over the head with the obvious, or fill it with policy-blather. She reminds us of the daily tragedy in many cities, like my hometown of Chicago, that we must no longer ignore.
She reminds us of the deep humanity of doctors who pick up the pieces. The emergency room doctor who took care my mother could have been Dr. Rosenberg, and I will forever be thankful for her consideration. "You use the mother’s name and you use her child’s name." Yes. Too often in our many doctor visits raising four children, someone addressed us as "Mom" and "Dad." We're not dumb. We know that means you can't bother to look down at the sheet in front of you to read and pretend to know who we are.
She reminds us to treat people in awful circumstances with the same humanity and respect as she treats her patients, not as numbers, abstractions, easy categories or talking points for longstanding policy arguments.
Had she said any of that, it would have been much weaker. She didn't need to say it. In all likelihood, neither do I.
Let us remember Dr. Rosenberg and her colleagues this labor day, as they will be at that painful work while we barbecue.
Monday, September 5, 2016
16 comments:
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Thanks for sharing. Certainly not surprisingly, Her writing style is very similar to Yours.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how Naomi sounds like, but I can hear her voice. Thanks very much for sharing this Op-Ed. Just reading the piece ought to make all of us a bit more empathetic.
ReplyDeleteThank you John.
ReplyDeleteYes, thank you. It is good to read for learning how to write, for knowing how to deliver such news, and for reminding us of what matters more than the trivial disappointments of daily life. We don't all have to tell the bad news to the mother, but we all will some time need to tell someone who cares.
ReplyDeleteI have never had to tell a mother her son has died but I often broke the news to a patient that they had terminal cancer.
ReplyDeleteIt is not an easy task. It is not easy the first time and it never get easier.
I wish I had more to say than the following, so it will have suffice: Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for having shared this beautiful piece.
ReplyDeleteEconomists are not what so many people believe they are !
Etienne
I'm a dad, but I've been on the receiving end of this type of conversation with an ER doctor. Her advice is good. And, also, for those who are not ER doctors but who want to know how to interface with grieving parents, my number one rule is to treat the lost child as a person rather than an abstraction, someone who had a name and pecific interests and affections. Always ask about the name.
DeleteEtienne, if I may ask you for a clarification: What are economists, according to the beliefs of so many people?
DeleteWhat economists are to many people: just visit http://www.reddit.com/r/SandersForPresident. Enjoy.
DeleteGreat article. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteBravo to John Cochrane for this essay. It's humanizing. Most of us will only know him through his blogging, in which his fellow economists--on the left and on the right--often seem arrogant and unworldly. Thank you.
DeleteThanks John for posting this. Wow. And I thought it was excruciatingly painful to tell a student that there's nothing I can do after the fact to increase his disappointingly-poor grade...
ReplyDeleteTo: John Cochrane: Thanks much for this. I believe the purpose of economics is to help reduce the great amount of suffering in the world.
ReplyDeleteJohn Cochrane. Thank you for the link to this article. What an eye-opener. It really brings real perspective to my career as a policy wonk.
ReplyDeleteJohn Cochrane. Thanks for sharing this link. What an eye opener. It brings real perspective to my career as a policy wonk.
ReplyDelete